Monday, July 27, 2009

From the desk of Design Assistant Magnus...


I have been lied to.

"You'll feel so much better," she said. "Like a new pup," she said.

I do NOT feel better. I feel violated, betrayed, and a little dirty.

At first I was excited by this new outting.

"Hey! I smell other dogs! It's just like the dog park - only with tiled floor instead of grass...and this funny counter thing...and...well, no dogs. Wait...who is this? Yikes, that's cold. Wait, where are they taking me now? And what the heck is THAT thing on the counter? What's a heartworm???"


Readers, they took me to a bad, bad place. They scrubbed out my ears with a cold goo. Then they pinched my tush with something called "steroids" when I wasn't looking. And then - THEN! - it's almost too awful to say. I shudder at the mere memory:


They went...where the sun don't shine. They called it "cleaning out glands." I call it assault. You be the judge.

I'm home now. And I'm trying to sleep off the trauma.


But just you wait. Once they're asleep I'll show them. I'm going to chew up all their shoes, turn over the trash cans, pee on the couch and blame it on the 'roid rage. That'll show 'em.

- D.A. Magnus

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